It’s my birthday and I’ll age if I want to

There’s so much about life experience to celebrate—so why do we fear getting older?

Photo by Isabella and Zsa Fischer on Unsplash

Today is my birthday, and to celebrate, I’m giving myself the gift of not feeling bad about aging.

It’s popular to be down on aging, I know. Youth is celebrated; aging is feared, hidden, ignored, rejected. We color our hair, we hide our college graduation dates on LinkedIn, we fall victim to society’s ever-growing FOGO (fear of getting old)! But why the stigma? With age comes wisdom, and the accumulation of relationships and experiences and joys big and small that make life worth living. Isn’t that what we should be celebrating?

In some of the longest-living cultures in the world, elders are revered. They have special roles in their community, they are a vibrant part of society, gardening alongside people of all ages, living in homes with multiple generations, drinking wine and laughing with friends. In fact, it’s thought that those very lifestyle attributes, among others, are what help them live happily and healthily for far longer than most of the rest of the world. (If you haven’t heard of these “Blue Zones” yet, I encourage you to learn more about these longevity locations—from Costa Rica to Greece, Loma Linda, CA to Okinawa, Japan—and the lessons we can all learn from the people there.)

In these communities, I can’t imagine there’s too much worrying about anti-aging. No obsession with the latest viral skin care line, no coffee dates spent debating the most effective in-office cosmetic procedures. Instead, the people there focus on family, community, life purpose, and personal meaning—at every age, well into their 90s and beyond.

I’m not a scientist, but it sounds to me like the people who don’t seem to obsess over aging end up living the longest.

In a 2021 piece for TED.com’s Ideas blog, Ingrid Fetell Lee wrote how aging is inevitable, so why not do it joyfully? The idea really stuck with me. Lee suggests that not only is joy a goal in itself—who doesn’t love that feeling?—but it may also help keep us strong mentally and physically as we age. To capture a joyful feeling of well-being, Lee encourages us to seek out awe, to buy ourselves flowers, to embrace new technologies instead of sticking with what we know.

I love my life—the life I’ve created, and the life I have yet to live. Don’t you feel the same? That’s why I plan to celebrate aging, rather than feeling bad about it. I’ll wake with purpose, stay active throughout my day, meet loved ones for a shared meal or drink—and find my own moments of joy. With a schedule like that, there’s no time for counting new gray hairs or wrinkles or wondering whether I’ve actually hit “middle age.”

So happy birthday to me. Another year older, and I’m here for it. If this gift fits—and I have a feeling it will—it’s one I’ll give myself again and again for birthdays to come.

🎧 What I’m listening to: The incredibly fascinating Huberman Lab podcast on Meditation, the Mind, and Free Will with Dr. Sam Harris. There’s no topic they leave uncovered—from meditation techniques to how it can actually change our worldview, to therapeutic and consciousness-expanding applications of psychedelics.

📘 What I’m reading: The Complete Notes from the Universe packs all of Mike Dooley’s inspiring, thought-provoking bits of wisdom (originally sent via weekly email) into one volume. While it’s powerful to read them all in one place, I love the idea of opening a page at random whenever I need a boost.

👄 What I’m eating: Rip Van European Wafels in Birthday Cake flavor are a favorite treat—and perfect for my birthday month. These delicious cookies are low in sugar, high in fiber and contain nothing artificial. Which means they’re basically breakfast food, right?

😁 What I’m using daily: Cocofloss in Pure Strawberries flavor. Flossing is a chore, so when you find one you love, you want to tell everyone you know. Cocofloss tastes great and gets the job done painlessly—which would be more than enough, but it also has no sketchy chemicals like parabens, SLS, or PFAS, and you can buy refills that come in compostable packaging to reduce plastic waste. I love everything about it!