The Evolution of Success

Why are we limiting ourselves to work and career wins? I’m ready to expand my definition.

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

My definition of “success” has shifted over the course of my career—for the better. In my 20+ years at Deloitte, I’ve built and led the team that propelled wellbeing at work into the spotlight, not just for Deloitte but for organizations worldwide. Together, we’ve pioneered a culture that prioritized wellbeing, setting a standard for others to emulate. On its own that is a huge success, and I am immensely grateful for the experience.

But the fact is, when I reflect on everything I’ve accomplished so far, I don’t see it in terms of numbers, metrics, or recognition—but in lives touched, minds inspired, and positive change created.

I’ve been grappling with the idea of success lately, and coincidently I came across Sovereign, by Emma Seppälä, PhD. The subtitle—"Reclaim Your Freedom, Energy, and Power in a Time of Distraction, Uncertainty, and Chaos”—resonates with me in my own time of uncertainty and distraction, as my mother is in the end stages of Alzheimer’s disease.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past months caring for my mom. And as she has transitioned deeper into this disease, I have transitioned alongside her, in my own way. Her illness has caused me to reassess what and who really matters in life. I’ve realized that I’m not satisfied with narrowly defining success to only be about my career.

You know how sometimes a book finds its way to you at the right time, and just speaks to you? Seppälä’s book makes the point that from the moment we are able to talk and walk and make decisions for ourselves, we are bombarded with opinions on what to think, how to feel, act, and dress—and because as humans we have an innate sense of needing to belong and be accepted, we essentially conform. As we get older we’re told we need to look a certain way, drive a certain car, achieve certain benchmarks to be successful. So we develop our own inner critic—she calls it a “terrorist”—that feeds us this idea of what success is, and what it takes to fit into this world.

I know my inner critic very well. (Don’t you know yours, too?) But it turns out, we also have a sovereign self: The part of us that recognizes that we are enough just because we exist. That sovereign self gives us each the freedom to choose who we are, be who we are, and not conform to societal norms. It just takes a lot of de-conditioning and reprogramming to tap into our sovereign self and stay in the sovereign self, while tuning out our inner terrorist.

When I take a moment to listen to my sovereign self, I know that while ambition and achievement are worthwhile pursuits, I will always choose to "work to live" rather than "live to work." The deepest rewards come from the human connections we nurture, the positive impact we have, and the authentic happiness we cultivate within.

My most important roles are wife, daughter, sister, friend and leader—the true human roles. My proudest moments have been those where I’ve had the ability to care for other people and impact others’ lives in a positive way. That is my newly expanded, and fully sovereign, meaning of success.

📖 What I’m reading: Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, by William Bridges, PhD, is a classic guide to understanding endings, beginnings, and the messy and confusing feelings that get stirred up along the way. Here’s one of my favorite quotes: “Transition always starts with an ending. To become something else, you have to stop being what you are now; to start doing things a new way, you have to end the way you are doing them now; and to develop a new attitude or outlook, you have to let go of the old.”

💜 Where I’m donating: The Alzheimer’s Association works on multiple fronts, driving global research, educating about risk reduction and early detection, and providing quality care and support for patients with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. They are also an excellent source of information and local resources if you or someone you love has Alzheimer’s.

🎞️ What I’m watching: The recently released movie, One Love, features the powerful story of the iconic (and much loved) Bob Marley who inspired generations through his message of love, peace, and unity through music. His journey really resonated with me and my own struggle to define what success looks like in my own life.

🎧 What I’m listening to: The Avoiding Achievement Addiction episode of The Jim Loehr Podcast is a must-listen for anyone who’s become hooked on achieving. Everyone thinks of achievement as a positive thing, but there’s a dark side. In this episode, Jim walks the fine line between recognizing the benefits and sharing the risks that come with extraordinary achievement.