The Gratitude We Need to Question

Rethinking workplace permission

Photo by Buddha Elemental 3D on Unsplash

I know what I'm about to say might ruffle some feathers. I've sat with this in draft for weeks, wondering if I should share these thoughts. But as we enter the holiday season, it feels particularly important to examine our relationship with work and the moments that should be ours.

Something has been weighing on me lately. I keep seeing posts across my social media feeds - heartfelt messages from people thanking their employers for "allowing" them to be fully present during life's most profound moments. A wedding day. The birth of a child. A parent's final breath. A long-planned family vacation.

Let that sink in for a moment.

I say this as someone who used to be the poster child for work's intrusion into life's sacred moments. I would hide in bathrooms at family funerals to answer emails. I routinely checked my phone in the middle of the night. I remember feeling genuinely anxious at a family wedding because the remote location had a weak internet signal. I told myself checking email on vacation would make me less anxious about returning to work - never questioning why I felt such anxiety about being unavailable in the first place.

We've reached a point where we express gratitude for being permitted to live the most sacred moments of our human experience without work's intrusion. Where we view the ability to be fully present during life's pivotal moments as a corporate benefit rather than an essential part of being human.

As we approach the holidays, this feels especially poignant. How many of us will sit at holiday dinners with our phones face-up on the table, just in case? How many will preface family gatherings with "I'll need to check email for an hour each morning"? How many will feel that familiar surge of anxiety when seeing a work message pop up during what should be uninterrupted time with loved ones?

This isn't about emergency services or essential workers whose roles genuinely require availability. This is about the arbitrary expectation of constant connectivity that has crept into most professional roles. It's about how we've normalized the idea that being unavailable for even a few days is somehow unprofessional or uncommitted.

The path to this reality was gradual but deliberate. First came the mobile phones, then the BlackBerries, then smartphones that put our entire office in our pockets. Each technological advance was framed as offering "flexibility" and "freedom," but instead created an expectation of constant availability. Work didn't just follow us home - it followed us everywhere.

We adapted. We normalized. We even began to pride ourselves on always being available, wearing our constant connectivity as a badge of honor. Those who maintained strict boundaries became the exception, often viewed with a mix of admiration and skepticism. "Must be nice," we'd say, not recognizing that we were all actively participating in building these chains.

In a recent conversation with Caroline Chubb Calderon, she offered a perspective that made me think differently about this trend. While we both bristled at the notion of needing permission to be human, she pointed out a healthy reframe organizations do things because they perceive value in their actions. When we as employees validate certain actions, we show them what we value and need as humans. This validation can, hopefully, inspire further behaviors that celebrate and support human intelligence and experiences.

So, is the answer that we should all start thanking our organizations for allowing us to be human? Probably not. But understanding this dynamic offers us a powerful opportunity to be intentional about what we celebrate and validate in our workplaces.

The cost of this always-on culture isn't just measured in missed moments or divided attention. It's measured in the depth of our relationships, the quality of our rest, the richness of our lives outside of work. When we're never fully present, we're never fully anywhere. I know because I lived it. And while I'm deeply grateful for many experiences and people throughout my career, I've come to understand something crucial: we should not normalize needing permission to be present during life's moments.

As Caroline reminds us, we must be stewards of human intelligence (and experiences). This means:

• Creating cultures where being unavailable during personal time isn't just allowed but expected

• Redefining success metrics beyond constant availability

• Teaching new employees that boundaries are healthy, not harmful

• Modeling these behaviors at leadership levels

• Challenging the notion that dedication must mean constant availability

As leaders, we need to be particularly mindful of how we frame these discussions. Instead of celebrating organizations for "allowing" us to live our lives, we should be working to create workplaces where the sanctity of life's pivotal moments is the norm. Where being fully present for significant life events isn't seen as a generous policy, but as a natural recognition of our shared humanity.

We should be grateful when we don't have to feel grateful for living our lives - with work being a meaningful part but not the ruler.

This holiday season, perhaps we can start having honest conversations about what role we want work to play in our lives. Do we want to spend our precious family time half-present, one eye always on our email? Do we want to teach the next generation that family time is something we should be grateful to be "allowed" to have? Do we want to continue treating basic human experiences as corporate benefits rather than essential parts of a well-lived life?

The future of work isn't about being grateful for permission to be human. It's about creating workplaces that honor and protect the essential experiences that make a life worth living. That's not progressive - it's simply human. And by being intentional about what we validate and celebrate, we can help shape this future.

With conviction,
Jen

🌟 What I'm Excited About: Starting January 2025, Lyra Health experts are bringing their groundbreaking insights to The WorkWell Podcast™. Get ready for fresh perspectives on workplace wellbeing, evidence-based strategies, and conversations that will reshape how we think about wellbeing at work. This is workplace wellbeing evolved – and you won't want to miss what's coming!

✨ Who I'm Following: Caroline Chubb Calderon's powerful reminder that "if you have an AI agenda, you also need to have a human intelligence agenda" is exactly what we need right now. Her work exploring how to be conscious custodians of our AI future while enhancing – rather than eroding – our humanity is something we all need to be following. I can't wait to discuss the intersection of AI, mental health, and human flourishing with her on The WorkWell™ Podcast in 2025. Watch her TEDx - The purpose of humanity in the age of AI.

📚 What I'm Reading: "Job Therapy" by Tessa West landed on my desk at exactly the right time. Her refreshingly honest take on workplace dynamics feels like a conversation with that wise friend who tells you the truth you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. Looking forward to diving deeper into these conversations with Tessa on The WorkWell™ Podcast in 2025.

🎯 What I'm Practicing: Small acts of boundary-setting that add up to big shifts in presence. From automated DND settings at the gym to family phone boxes for unplugged time, to proactively blocking out PTO on shared calendars - these aren't just practical tools, they're daily statements about valuing presence over constant availability.