We have to stop trolling one another
Social media gives us power—it’s up to us to use it wisely.
Social media is empowering. It allows us to say whatever we want, whenever we want. We can present ourselves publicly in whatever way we like and we are free to publicly comment on others, offering opinions on their look, their ideas, and anything else they put out in the world.
It’s a lot of power—and that power keeps going to people’s heads. Trolling has an entirely new definition now, thanks to cyberbullies who feel free to make hurtful and often hateful comments about others from the relative anonymity of their screens. In the moment, it may feel low-stakes to ridicule someone or pass judgment in a comment—after all, you’re not in the same room with them, they presumably don’t know where you live, and you likely don’t expect to meet them face to face. You’re just speaking your mind, right?
Here’s an idea: If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t post it in your own feed or comment on someone else’s post. The rules of civility aren’t platform-dependent. They’re universal: An unkind comment is universally hurtful whether said in person, by phone, or on social media. By all means, think what you want—but pause before putting that thought out into the world for all to see. Step back and think about how it’s going to impact the other person before you say it.
It’s ok to have a different perspective on a topic or issue—that’s what makes our society rich and robust. But be respectful and take the opportunity to learn something yourself, even as you’re explaining your own point of view in hopes that others will see it and learn from it.
Social media is designed to give us tiny windows into a person’s perspective. You’ll never fully be able to understand someone’s life experience—their history, motivations, and intentions—just by following them. But if we all come into the moment assuming that others are posting with good intentions and aren’t purposely trying to exclude others or demean others’ choices, we’ll be able to shed our defensive stance in favor of a more neutral, open-minded position. (That said, there will always be bad actors who do use their social media platforms to spew hate and sow discord. I would argue that for those individuals, attention will only fuel their fire and the best course of action is to unfollow/unfriend!)
I’ve gotten trolled myself. It doesn’t feel good, and whatever point the other person was trying to make was lost because they made incorrect assumptions about me and my life that my photo and caption didn’t provide. What might have been an interesting conversation dead-ended with bad feelings on both ends.
Let’s be social. Let’s connect. But let’s do it with positive intention and kindness toward others. Next time you open your app and start scrolling, ask yourself the following questions before commenting:
● “What is making me want to say something mean?” It’s usually not about that person, but about yourself—maybe you had a bad day, or you’re jealous of what looks like (but surely isn’t) someone’s perfect life.
● “Would I say this to their face?” If you wouldn’t share that strong opinion in person, there’s no reason to do it here.
● “What can I say that adds value to the conversation and may actually help someone?” Offering a thoughtful counter-argument or using your own experience as an example of an opposing viewpoint can be useful in getting others to see another side of things.
Here’s my challenge to you: For the next 30 days, use your social media to make only encouraging and educational comments. Use the hashtag #leadwithkindness to spread the word and get others to do the same. Now more than ever, people need kind words. Let’s get in the habit of offering them!
📘 What I’m re-reading: One time with Dr. Kelli Harding’s book, The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier with the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness wasn’t enough! She shares research that loving relationships, self-care (naps!), and yes even kindness all have a huge impact on our physical health.
🙌 What I’m looking forward to: My March 2023 plans are booked! I’ll be heading to the World Happiness Summit, where I can spend a few days discussing my favorite topics, well-being and happiness, with like-minded people and experts from around the world. Check it out and join me!
📱 Who I’m following: Marissa Solomon Shandell, whose thoughtful illustrated Instagram account @researchdoodles makes me smile, makes me think, and is a good reminder to treat myself with kindness.
📃 What I’m reading: In his article for the Harvard Business Review, How to Talk About Religion at Work, writer Simran Jeet Singh outlines how to approach religious diversity and inclusion so that we feel as comfortable discussing it at work as we have learned to be with gender, race, and sexual orientation.
🎧 What I’m listening to: Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead podcast! Don’t miss the recent What’s happening at Work episodes featuring Adam Grant and Simon Sinek (spoiler alert: they reference my recent paper, The C-suite's role in well-being).