Why I Do Scary Things

Preparing for my TEDx Talk was nerve wracking—but I welcomed the challenge.

Photo by Odette Photo+Art

It’s fitting to me that I gave my first TEDx Miami Talk—on work, well-being, and the importance of human sustainability—during mental health awareness month. (It’s not out yet but when it is, I’ll be sure to share it with you!) The entire experience was one big exercise in intentional stress—and I feel stronger and more resilient for having done it.

You see, one of my big fears in life is public speaking. Surprising, I know, because I’ve also built a career that comes with speaking to people in large and small crowds. But a TEDx Talk—that’s at a scale I hadn’t tackled yet. And yet giving a TEDx Talk has been on my vision board for a long time, so when I got the opportunity, I didn’t back away from it. I jumped at it.

I wanted to do it, and I needed to do it, for myself. It’s important to have goals in your life that are big and difficult. We tend to think of resilience as something to draw on in cases of loss or difficulty—and it is—but you can also intentionally build resilience by putting yourself in situations that are stressful. The good kind of stress, the kind you can control.

I knew I had to make space in my life and my mind to prepare myself for this challenge. For me, the key was to be really intentional with my time and energy and self-care to create the space for me to grow and do well. I prioritized these needs in order to show up and give this talk.

So I reset some boundaries, and found the room I needed to give this TEDx Talk my all.

I made hard decisions about what to say no to. One of those decisions was to go on hiatus with my WorkWell podcast. In my TEDx Talk, I say that we’ve been misled to believe self-care is all Wine Wednesdays and bubble baths, things we’ve “earned,” but it's really about making choices that set you up to show up at your best. I love the podcast—it energizes me—but at same time it takes a lot out of me.

I’ve also made sure to get extra sleep. I’m super diligent about sleep in general, but in the past few months I’ve needed a lot more. My typical eightish hours have not been enough!

I made it a point to get outside more. My TEDx talk coach (and she is so much more than that!), the phenomenal Karen Eber, suggested it, and it’s been just what I needed. All that sunshine and fresh air has felt great, and whenever I walked my dog, I’d practice my talk.

I’ve been choosing different workouts. I cherish my exercise time—for mind, body, and spirit. But I needed to dial back on added stress of all sorts, and that includes not stressing my body with my usual high-intensity workouts. Instead, I focused on lower-impact, outdoor workouts.

I’ve dialed back on extra-curricular reading. As I got ready for my TEDx Talk, I noticed my brain was getting kind of full. I love to read, and my husband often recommends books he’s listened to that he thinks I’d enjoy. But for the past two months, I didn’t want to take in any extra information. I knew that for now, I didn’t have the capacity to give a book my full attention and reap the benefits of having read it. 

I started journaling. In the runup to the talk, I was feeling extra emotional and started journaling to capture what those emotions were. It was a way to process my big feelings and put them into perspective: they were a part of my journey to a long-held goal.

It's interesting: I think intellectually we grasp these concepts of listening to ourselves and what we need, but this might be the first time in a long time I can remember being so aware and so intentional with my time and energy and attention. I knew this challenge would take an emotional and physical toll on me, but in a really good way. And it has. I’m proud of myself for having been asked to give my TEDx Talk, and for actually doing it! And I’m especially proud to share it with you soon. I hope you’ll get as much out of listening to it as I got from delivering it.

📘 What I’m reading: Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included), by Pooja Lakshmin MD is something everyone should read. Dr. Lakshmin talks about how self-care is connected to what you value as a human being—it’s not about the yoga class per se, but about your core values behind it that allow you to create the space to get to the yoga class. And the people behind you that allow you the space to do that.

😴 What I’m wearing: I don’t go to bed without my Slip eye mask. I’m very intentional about my sleep, and despite my best efforts there always seems to be some source of light in my bedroom. This comfortable eye mask makes sure the light doesn’t seep in. 

📱 Who I’m following: I love how @growthincubator, Growth, Inc’s Instagram account, is devoted to building women’s confidence, at work and in life. With every post, I’m learning something new, and nodding in solidarity with this important mission.

📓 What I’m writing in: I’ve leaned on journaling a lot in the months leading up to my TEDx Talk, as a way to process my emotions. No fancy decorated journals for me—I go old-school with a classic composition notebook and pen.