Why we should all strive to be hype women and men
Enough with the “why her?” thinking. We need more “you go, girl.”
Ever hear of Tall Poppy Syndrome? It’s a widespread cultural phenomenon where people are cut down for achieving success. Grow too ambitious, or successful, or popular, or anything that makes you seem “more than”—and there will be detractors ready to cut you back down to size.
Do I need to tell you women are frequently the targets?
In a 2023 study on Tall Poppy Syndrome, 86.8% of the 4,710 female-identifying respondents across 103 countries revealed that they’ve been treated negatively because of their achievements at some point in their career.
While the international study, conducted by the empowerment group Women of Influence+ (WOI+), shows how prevalent Tall Poppy Syndrome is in workplaces everywhere, it also revealed that the tendency to belittle or punish women for their success bleeds out into personal life as well, with 49.7% of respondents experiencing this same hostility from friends, relatives, siblings, other professionals, and even parents and spouses.
I wasn’t exactly surprised by these findings, but I am dismayed—and also more determined than ever to nip this tendency in the bud. (Flower pun intended.) We are better than this, as individuals, as a culture, and as a global race of empathetic humans.
We don’t need to be threatened by another’s success. Our minds and hearts have the capacity to celebrate everyone who deserves it—at no personal cost to ourselves. In fact, doing so comes with great benefits: when you support and celebrate others, they in turn will support and celebrate you. And from a workplace perspective, furthering the careers of others can help teams be happier (knowing that success is celebrated and encouraged) and more productive—which can ultimately boost the bottom line. There’s a reason the idiom “a rising tide lifts all boats” has nearly become a cliche: it’s true.
March is Women’s History Month, and it’s also the month in which we celebrate International Women’s Day—making this the perfect time to focus on how we can celebrate the success of everyone around us and how we can cultivate them, rather than cut them down. Here are some easy ways to do it.
Shift from a cutthroat mindset to a team mentality. In her 2022 TED Talk, “A Seat at the Table’ Isn't the Solution for Gender Equity,” Lilly Singh emphasized that “a seat at the table” isn’t enough—women need many seats at the table. One good way to get there is to fight not just for your seat, but for multiple seats. Singh asks the audience, “What’s the better win: Me sitting at the table, or US sitting at the table?” If there isn’t enough room, then it’s time for men and women to make that table bigger.
Take gratitude out of the equation. As Singh points out in her TED Talk, people can feel grateful for what they have AND want more. They can want a fair shot, they can want what everyone else has, they can want more than someone else thinks they deserve. Let’s all try to interrupt that internal voice that says “she should just be grateful for what she has.” She might be, but that’s beside the point.
Be a hype woman (or a hype man). If you watched the Golden Globe awards earlier this year, you might have noticed Jamie Lee Curtis’ wildly enthusiastic reaction to Michelle Yeoh’s Best Actress win. (Worth noting: Curtis didn’t win her own Golden Globe that night, she lost to another actress.) In an Instagram post after the show, entrepreneur Erin Gallagher pointed to that moment, using it as a rallying cry for women to hype other women. This is who we all need to be: Someone who can celebrate others’ successes with sincere joy, whether or not we happen to be winning in that moment as well.
📚 What I’m reading: Speaking of successful women, chemist Elizabeth Zott, the no-nonsense scientist in Bonnie Garmus’s novel Lessons In Chemistry, makes few friends by speaking her mind and being clearly smarter than her peers in the lab. But as she becomes a mother, a TV personality, and then a working chemist again, she connects with some unexpected supporters who help this fictional tall poppy thrive.
📱 Who I’m following: I always look forward to Instagram posts from Dr. Aaliya Yaqub, MD, the Chief Medical Officer at Thrive. Her insights on how we should treat ourselves and the people around us (and how to recognize the people and things that sabotage our efforts) are the perfect push to recalibrate if needed.
💻 What I’m watching: Climate change is scary—and such a gigantic problem that it can feel like there’s nothing we can do to help stop it. Watching psychologist Renée Lertzman’s TED Talk, How To Turn Climate Anxiety Into Action, empowers me to act, rather than just worry.
🔌 How I’m disconnecting: The husband-and-wife duo that founded Bagby were looking for non-digital ways to help them quit the screens more often and connect IRL. Their solutions have grown into a full-on wellness brand, with products that include felt sleeping bags for your phone, paper screen time trackers, analog bedroom clocks, and hanging multi-pocket phone holders (great for social gatherings or classrooms).
I loved that you wrote this, especially during Women’s History Month. This has been on my mind recently, and you’ve said it so well!