Your Strong Friends Need Check-ins, Too

Those friends who seem to handle it all? They’ll do it even better with support from you.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

Take a minute to think of your strongest friend—the one who holds it together in any crisis, who seems as unflappable in a work drama as they do when faced with personal adversity big or small. The person you always want in your corner when facing a tough moment of your own.

Now let me ask you: When was the last time you checked in on that person to ask how a life challenge is unfolding, how their work drama got resolved…or even just how they’re doing today?

We often think our strongest friends have it all together. But everyone can use a friend checking in once in a while!

By now there is lots of scientific research that shows having supportive friends can improve not only your resilience but your overall wellbeing. And that’s a two-way street: The friend who’s doing the supporting can benefit just as much as the one being boosted! But notably, nowhere does the research distinguish between “needy” friends and “strong” friends—because we all need that support in our lives.

Even the most confident and capable people are still people. No matter how responsible and controlled they may appear, they have struggles, doubts, and tough days too. It’s a natural part of the human condition! Sometimes, a stoic, nothing-phases-me friend may feel extra pressure to “handle” their emotions, hide their feelings, and shield themselves from any vulnerability. But the burden of always being the “strong one” can be isolating. 

So reach out. Send a text saying you’re thinking of them. And if you know they’re dealing with something difficult right now, don’t be afraid to ask how they’re really doing and offer a sympathetic ear if they need to vent, cry, or just feel heard. 

Let them know you see their strength, but that you’re also there if they need to take a break from it sometimes. Your outreach is a gift that might come at just the right time—permission to open up and be vulnerable and honest in a safe space. And even if they don’t respond with an avalanche of emotions or complaints or concerns, the fact that you showed how much you care might mean the world to them, and propel them forward through whatever they’re facing next.

We’re all human, and we all need reminders that we don’t have to be superheroes all the time. Check in on your strong friends today! 

🎧 What’s in my ears: You already know I’m a fan of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, but episode 297, Real Self-Care: Burnout Is Not Your Fault & the Way Out with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, resonated with me in a powerful way. Dr Lakshmin is the author of Real Self-Care: Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble-Baths Not Included, and she not only clearly defined the difference between faux self-care (ahem, margarita night) and self-care that replenishes your inner and outer energy and brings your whole self back in balance—a topic dear to my heart—she also explained how to craft a value-driven life, and the power of shifting away from martyr tendencies that aren’t serving your wellbeing. Every word is gold!

📖 What I’m reading: The subtitle of The Pivot Year, by Brianna Wiest, is “365 Days to Become the Person You Truly Want to Be” and Wiest filled this motivating and inspiring book with all the daily meditations we need to become that person. I love the idea of a “pivot”—it’s not a turning away from who you are, it’s a change in direction toward the person you have yet to become.

🎵 What I’ve got on repeat: “Titanium,” by David Guetta featuring Sia, is my current favorite power song. Between the soaring vocals and the confident, free-spirited lyrics—”I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away”—whenever I hear it I want to stand taller, speak my mind, and leave my mark on this world.

📱 Who I’m following: The Girls Gone Strong Instagram account is packed with coaching wisdom for women, on everything from health and fitness to menopause and nutrition. I love the account for its expert advice, empowering messaging, and occasional laugh—and I love the organization for its excellent women’s coaching and training program and Coaching Specialist Certification.